Dante’s Wild and Willing

Have you ever been to the Gold Coast with a child?

If so, the chances are that you have endured the nightmare
of visiting the outdoor entertainment complex known as
Dante’s Wild and Willing.

Staggering through the cranking turnstile you are instantly transported
into a cacophonic demi-monde of turbocharged pre-pubescents
and terminally abstracted adults.

Long dead actors stroll revivified through mute crowds of gormless
technicolor cartoon characters.
Imprisoned marine mammals drown in cesspools of e-coli.

Vertiginous death-trap contraptions hurtle ominously
overhead as, clutching the hand of the Chosen One, your
immediate thoughts of a tropical murder/suicide
are supplanted by dull resignation and a pained smile.

The endless search through your voluminous holiday pants
becomes a permanent nervous tic.

Dante’s features food that normally only exists in the
feverish mind of Jamie Oliver’s evil twin.

Foot long crumbed Dirty Dogs on a stick,

Warm wood-chips and five hundred millilitre dixies
of concentrated sugar and tropical fruit syrup (with added vitamin C).

Fuelled by these eye and thyroid-popping offerings
the Chosen One eyes the panoply of entertainment possibilities
like Trump at a beauty contest.

Now is the time to let go,
relinquish the precarious grip you once held on sanity,
release the Chosen One and suck on a Nicey Pole.

Breathe calmly through your eyes and follow your nose.

Force one Brazilian flip-flop in front of another
and enjoy yourself,
you’re on holiday.