Vinesh Koka: Singer, Traveller, Dad

Vinesh Koka has a few tricks up his sleeve. The 33-year-old Indian national, who moved from Bengaluru to Australia with his wife Aarthi and four-year-old son Hriday a year ago, can hold a tune (was once a professional singer and composer), enjoys food-blogging (meeting George Calombaris last year was a highlight) is proficient in five languages and has travelled extensively. He’s now living in Travancore (inner-western Melbourne) and has moved into the corporate world where he works in learning and development. Here Vinesh tells The Dad Website about his most diverse challenge: fatherhood.

Nurturing the divinity.
Being a dad means I have the opportunity to re-look at life through new eyes. I feel a huge responsibility to nurture the divinity that was chosen to enter this world through me, as well as refill my own self with positivity.

Fathering on the fly.
The single biggest challenge of fatherhood has been not having reference points; having lost my father at 14 and being an only child. My son is my first close-range sample of how children work, and I’m figuring out things along the way. But again, maybe it isn’t such a bad thing because I don’t have too many things to unlearn.

Then and now.
My wife and I used to frequently travel together (our favourite trip being a safari in Kenya) – now we hardly go anywhere without our son. A place that isn’t kid-friendly is definitely ruled out while making weekend plans, and no photo seems worth taking if it doesn’t have my son in it. My dad monitor is also always on – scanning (for age-appropriateness) whatever is on TV or in print – everywhere, there seems to be something my son shouldn’t see or hear!

Improvisation as play.
My son and I like to enact (at home) his favourite books. I love to watch him improvise, using everyday items as props. Also, when I sing at home (the songs I listen to, not his rhymes), he sings along making up words he thinks he hears. Often, I find myself humming those songs with his words and not the actual ones!

My son is my first close-range sample of how children work, and I’m figuring out things along the way…

Modern-day perception of fatherhood.
A father is expected to be as emotionally available to his child(ren) as is the mother, which I think is great. Society is also increasingly open to the idea of a man taking a break from work to support his wife’s career and being the primary caregiver to the child – which I did for 6 months when I moved to Melbourne.

Children: purity.
I see other parents with more empathetic eyes than I ever did before. I also understand that children are the purest versions of the human race. From being with my wife during pregnancy to watching childbirth to watching my son grow – the entire ongoing journey of fatherhood is the closest I have come to feeling a divine presence in this universe.

By his 18th birthday Hriday should know:
1. How to actively express himself – for example, singing, dancing, playing an instrument, painting.
2. The value of money, but understand that some of the most precious things don’t have a price tag.
3. That it is OK not to yield to peer pressure, and to say no to what he’s not comfortable with.
4. That there is always something to be thankful for.
5. That if you don’t ask, the answer is always no.